Monday, May 2, 2011

Roller Coaster Days

If you read my blog yesterday, you knew yesterday was NOT a good day.  It was a bit of a roller coaster ride.  I hate roller coasters.  I prefer the calm rides.  I'm a big fan of the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney.  I rode it first at the New York World's Fair (whatever happened to World's Fair's???).  It's my "speed."  Slow, steady, entertaining, no drop offs, no unpredictable spins, no nausea, no dizziness - just steady fun and entertainment.

When life becomes a roller coaster of emotions, I hate it.  I probably gave the impression that I was more upset than I really was yesterday.  OR maybe the truth was, I was that upset and was having a hard time expressing it. For those who prayed with me, I didn't sin :-).  I didn't take my anger to bed.  I didn't internalize it.  I dealt with it.  I confronted it calmly.

Nevertheless, it was still a roller coaster day.  They say that trouble comes in threes.  My roller coaster ride had three depth charges.  Unlike the roller coaster, my rise up to a peak was slow, but the drop each time was intense.  Interestingly, they all had to do with my children.

I love my children.  I love them more than they can possibly realize.  I love them when they are good.  I love them when they make mistakes.  I even love them all the time.  Yesterday I had to remind myself that I love them when they are in the midst of making bad decisions.  I realized my love is best expressed by prayer.

That didn't change my anger.  That didn't change my frustration. It didn't stop the snowball of frustration from gathering all the other things that frustrate me.  I'm human.  I'm very human.  I have lots of disappointments and they keep coming.

Today I will focus on a class assignment.  As much as I think I want to quit school and just be a lazy old woman, I realize that I want this degree.  I realize that even if it makes no sense and never accomplishes anything but giving me the satisfaction of proving I am not a loser, it's worth it.  Besides, I'm 1/3 there.  This is the closest I've ever been.  Maybe I would be the loser people said I was if I don't finish.  I'll write today and hopefully hit the send button on an assignment.

I will also pray for my children. I will pray that they make right choices and pray that if they don't, God's mercy will help them.  I've seen many miracles with my children.  Today I should focus on those and pray for more.

I will also pray for the world.  It seems trivial to say you are praying for world peace.  I think it is the thing Jesus would want me to do.  When I heard that Bin Laden was killed, I wondered, will this release more terror or will it bring peace?  I don't know.  I know I can't rejoice in a spirit of vengeance and death.  For me, the appropriate Christ-like response is to pray.

I guess I really am a "Small World Ride" person.  I want peace and harmony.  I want people to learn to be like Jesus. I want to be like Jesus. I say amen to:
Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men in whom he is well pleased (Luke 2:14)

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