Friday, November 4, 2016

Heartsick

Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick. (Proverbs 13:12a The MSG)

I've believed in fairy tales far too long
I've believed in hope;
I've believed in dreams
I've believed in working hard
I've  believed dreams came true

I've dreamed I'd be loved and cherished
I've given when I had nothing to give
I've cried an ocean of tears
I've loved faithfully
I've loved completely
I've loved selflessly

There is no prince charming
Dreams don't come true
Hope disappoints
My heart is empty
The pain never ends
And tears never dry

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Wedding Bells


I've not written for a very long time.  I say I'll start again, and then I don't. 

This morning I saw a random picture.  The caption said prom pictures - the picture an innocent looking girl.  Something stirred as I looked at that picture in seconds, this is what poured out of me:

She is sixteen; she is a child.

She wears a satin dress.

She longs for love.

She holds her daddy’s hand as she did as a child in Brooklyn.

She walks with him as so many strolls in a park lined with trees.

She feels the exhilaration of a push on a swing that takes her high, higher than the sky.

She feels the fear of climbing to the top of the monkey bars.

She hears music – it reminds her of the tune announcing the Mr. Softee truck – a treat awaits.

She hears music – it reminds her of Salem where she learned about Jesus.

A future awaits her.

Someone has chosen her; she must finally be worthy.  She is finally wanted.

Her daddy hands her to the boy at the end of aisle.

Unknowingly, he has handed her to more rejection and abuse.

Scars upon scars,

wounds that can’t heal,

voices of pain,

unworthy again.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Facebook chatter...

I grew up in a Christian home.  My mother was a homemaker who taught children about Jesus.  My dad was a night janitor at a bank who spent most of his “leisure” time going to church service so he could learn more about Jesus.

As a child, I saw my father bundle all manner of Christian reading materials – all my Sunday School quarterlies, Christian magazines, etc. – to send to his niece, my Tante Ruth, a single WOMAN who was teaching other’s about Jesus in Swaziland.  One afternoon a week, my father would take me to the Salvation Army where a wonderful WOMAN named Captain Johnson oversaw the Sunbeam program.  As a single woman, she was the “Pastor” of the congregation of Salvationists – she preached, administered, and served her corp as the sole officer.  Walking with my dad we'd often encounter Captain holding a street meeting on a corner.
As a child, I read a book about Malla Moe – a single WOMAN missionary who would trek across Africa.  As I got older I read and heard about Aimee Semple McPhearson.  The list could be quite long if I continued.

Today I responded to a comment on Facebook. I probably shouldn’t have because I sort of knew it would start something… my bad… but sometimes impulse gets the better of me.  It did start a small firestorm.  On and on it went about how women can’t be preachers, or pastors, etc., etc.

It still surprises me even though it shouldn’t.  I find it best not to “fight” a theological battle with folks.   I did add some links for ammunition today but usually the best answer is to say I’m doing what God called me to do – if I don’t, I’m being disobedient to God.  But that never seems enough – sigh….

I’ve been thinking about this all day – and I wondered – Do these folk think that one day I sat down and said – I know!  I want to be a preacher!  I just want to do this because it is a glamorous job – or it pays well – or the hours are good.  Really???  Do you really think that anyone that really loves God just sits down and says that to themselves?  Or do you think my problem is I don’t love God?  And of course, as a woman, I certainly can’t have God speak to me.  I think the women at the day of Pentecost would have an argument with that – or the women that surrounded Jesus, especially those who first proclaimed the gospel after the resurrection … You know those women who went to the tomb when the disciples were hiding?  Yeah, those women...

So I’m delusional – I’m so delusional that I have spent nearly the last ten years of my life in school preparing – preparing so that when I stand in the pulpit (a place I approach with humility and a deep sense of responsibility) I am “rightly dividing the Word.”

Whatever the problem some folks have – please take it up with God!  Ask Him with an open heart for guidance and wisdom – you may still come to a different understanding than I have – but, if you really seek the Lord He’ll probably ask you to receive me as a sister in the Lord with respect and honor. 

If my being in ministry offends you, I'm am sorry you are offended.  But nothing will stop me from answering the call of God on my life – like those women who proclaimed the gospel in my childhood – I’m going to continue.