Sounds of Hope

I’ve been struggling with an unseen force in an area of my life for nearly   two years.   Every time I show up, it seems as if I have some scarlet letter emblazoned on my chest.   I can’t figure it out.   I’ve blamed it on a bunch of different things.   I’ve soul searched and asked what am I doing wrong.   I’m a likeable person.   I like most people.   I am open to all sorts of people.   I am quiet unless you talk to me – that’s the “polite Norwegian” in me.   I do realize that sometime people take that for snobbery but I tried the best I could.   However, when the welcome mat is not out and an invisible sign says STAY OUT… you tend to just withdraw further into yourself.   I’ve realized that I appear to have a chip on my shoulder at times.   And I do, at times.   It’s been a painful experience.   It’s brought up all my insecurities and self-doubts. I’ve found myself drinking at the well of self-doubts the last ...

Alvin did come to the hospital on Sunday. Bethany was still in ICU. I was still in the private room. I don’t think I had seen him since the beating. I felt conflicted because of the children. They should have a father. But he was no father to them. He abused them. I was not sure how to navigate the spiritual landscape of divorce. I still believed in the old fashioned values concerning marriage. Some people will still tell you that God always wants to restore a marriage. I think that is true. However, both people in that marriage have to come to the foot of the cross and be willing to be changed, molded and transformed into whole people. Alvin simply didn’t. Alcohol and other “demons” controlled his life. I had begged God to change me. I had begged God to make me into a good wife. Yet my instincts as a mother also told me it was past time to protect these children. There was a new child lying in the ICU fighting for her life. Alvin walked with a strut. He strutted in with no shame. ...