Chasing the wind
Last night I made a comment on Facebook. I’ve been better about these type of
comments, learning to think before I type.
During Lent, I disciplined myself to say only positive and thankful
things on Facebook. But I slipped last
night. Maybe it was a good thing. Comments reminded me that my status updates
are read and understood as well as misunderstood. I realized the power and the foolishness of
my words. I also began to realize the
root of the comment.
No one likes to realize that they are sinning. Nevertheless, we all do it, don’t we? As I pondered my comment, I realized that I
had broken the 10th Commandment – sounds really serious, doesn’t
it? Perhaps I should get some sackcloth
and ashes. This blog is my virtual
sackcloth.
The 10th Commandment is that one about
coveting. I looked up the word covet and
its meaning isn’t all negative. Covet
means both to wish longingly for something.
It can also mean envy. My comment
on Facebook last night was all about coveting.
It came from the frustration of my heart. It came from the frustration of unfulfilled
dreams. It came from a sense of being
rejected. It came from a sense of
hopelessness. It came from asking the destructive
question, why not me?
I am frustrated. I am
wondering why not me. I am feeling a bit
hopeless. My husband hears it the
most. His reply is always – it’s all
God. That’s too simple an answer for
me. That brings up all the endless
questions of “theodicy.” Since Job, we have pondered why? My husband’s answer makes me ask if God is
mean. It makes me ask if God just doesn’t
like me. Am I some rejected step-child
rather than His beloved child?
As I pondered my sin this morning, I asked why this is
sin? I don’t know. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t
know is the best answer. Nevertheless,
my thoughts went to the issue of forgiveness.
So often, and rightly so, we are reminded that forgiveness is not about
the other person. It is about us.
Unforgiveness eats away at the soul of the
person harboring those feelings against another. It shortens your life by stripping your
joy. Revenge is its food but never truly
nourishes the soul. It is likewise with
coveting. It hurts me. Those I covet go on their merry way with
their life, while I sit destroyed, further being robbed of hope and joy.
This morning I read the book of Ecclesiastes. You should too. It won’t take you long. It puts life in perspective. As I read its overall depressing themes, my
heart begged for hope and resolution.
Everything is meaningless writes Qoheleth. Everything is a chasing of the wind. Fearing God and enjoying life seems to be the
prescription to avoid chasing the wind.
It sort of reminds me of the serenity prayer – accepting the things I
cannot change, changing what I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
There is no room for coveting if one wants to enjoy
life. My days are getting shorter. I have less years ahead of me than of those
behind me. I cannot change how God
blesses others. I can only receive and
enjoy what blessings God choses to give to me.
I’ve prepared the best I know how to answer His call and purposes – if He
chooses to not allow me to serve Him with my gifts, there is nothing I can do about
it. That brings tears to my eyes. But it changes nothing. To try to change it is chasing after the
wind.
As I pondered Qoheleth, I came across this quote:
As I sit here reading yet another book, desperately continuing to search You out God, I read about the many who are “famous” in their service of You. While I attempt to live a life pleasing and worthy of You, I have a twinge of jealousy in my heart because I too want to be that kind of faithful servant – famously faithful. I also fear that fame, that it is an in itself, a desire leading to destruction. But, my yearn to do Your will is consuming so, somehow I must no care if anyone but You know that I serve You well. All I can do is pray that I have the faith to endeavor to serve well, to pray that I am serving well, and hope that I may be anonymously famous, even to myself. (Anonymously Famous, http://qoheleth.com/Random.aspx)
Ecclesiastes 9:11 I have seen
something else under the sun: The race
is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen
to them all.
Joyce, you have so touched my heart. I hope this is not to forward but I feel like the Lord wants me to give you this word....He LOVES your hunger to serve Him. You will see Him moving in a "suddenly" way. Your season to shine through your gifts is just ahead of you. I believe God is speaking Job 8:7 over you my friend. Blessings in abundance! Julie Moon
ReplyDeleteCoveting is hard to spot in our consumer driven world. I think it comes down to motive. Is it just goal setting and achievement or is it a chasing after material wealth?
ReplyDelete"Whatever is not born of faith is sin." - Do we trust God or do we trust in our abilities. I think it takes a lifetime to parse them out.